I've been so inside myself lately that it's like I've been sleepwalking. There is a scetch on Mad TV with a character called Steve - a little boy who gives his mother no end of trouble. Well Steve often goes into his "dark place" and I feel like that's where I've been. This dark place is not a dank and dreary cave, but a place of isolation I need to visit when life gets a little crazy and I have to step back and re-evaluate things. I've neglected my ministry for years (time being the excuse); I only just started to work with the dance group at my church again for this year's Christmas presentation. You would think it was Janet Jackson doing the choreography the way the girls responded to my presence at rehearsal. I felt at home again, as I interpreted the song and taught my class. I didn't realize how much I missed it. Or needed it. There is something about physical worship that is so liberating. And public, but yet so intimate. I love it.
I have so much bubbling up from inside now - poetry, choreography, vision, ideas - but no time in the busy-ness of life to articulate anything on paper or much less bring my vision to life. I've had an idea for an empowerment ministry for women and young girls that my pastor urged me to to a workshop for years ago. But alas, nothing. It came to me again this morning and I will pray on it because it's coming to the forefront of my mind again recently. As a matter of fact, no. I will do it. I will sit and put pen prayerfully to paper and see what materializes. Nothing beats a trial but a failure. And if God is with me - directing me on this and this is His plan, I will not fail. I've read so much about ministries birthed out of need. The truth is that I need this for me. I need to feel empowered and strong and beautiful and anointed in my life. And it doesn't matter if it's just me and one other person. Because where two or three are gathered...well, you know. And if you don't know you better find out (Matthew 18:20). That last part was me LOL...just read the verse.
I woke up this morning to the voice of my husband, and usually when I get up I have what he would call the "stupid face" and the "stupid voice". It takes me hours to really wake up. But this morning I was alert immediately. With no hesitation I got out of bed and got myself together. But it was early, so I took my time. I read my Bible and listened to some Fred Hammond. He had me singing - "are you ready for your blessing...are you ready for your miracle". I wanted to dance in the street as I walked to work!
It feels like it took all week...actually, like it took all year...but I feel so awake...so ALIVE!
Like I just woke up.