Mr Lover Lover

From 10/6/08

A brief encounter I had yesterday is making me think....
What attracts men to women? I mean...really? I honestly don't get it because it seems that when I am the least open to "them" they come in droves...but it's how they approach sometimes. Geez...

Case in point (and maybe not such a good example) I was approached by a brother yesterday who wanted to help me with some boxes I was taking out of my car. Ok, thank you, kind Sir. But he had to spoil it...now we have to go the whole damsel in distress route..."so how come your husband isn't helping you with these"...fishing for info, which I gladly gave, telling him he was not here but would help if he was. So to this he says "oh so he exists". Then after we establish my status, you know the brother still wants to know if he can be my "friend"? ....ummm no. I don't get it because people I was looking scruffy - I am embarrassed to say. I didn't even comb my hair yesterday. It was just up in a huge puff on top of my head sticking out every which way...but maybe Mr. Lover Lover likes unkempt women LOL.

This is why I don't keep male friends. I have very, very few (two really) and they have been friends with me for years and they know the boundaries. And I have a lot of boundaries...there's barbed wire, electric fences, passwords, encryption - the whole works. Not even Michael Scofield can get in LOL.

It's funny because it seems that when I am in a place of completeness in my relationship and feeling positive and good in my place in life that's when I get hit on...guess it makes sense if I am emitting an aura of wholeness, and that would be attractive, but what I don't understand is that after I've set it straight that I'm not in a "marketable" situation, they still want to press for more. What part of "I have a man" don't you understand? Do you really want to be my guy on the side, or is it the challenge of just seeing if you can get the girl? This guy still had the nerve to ask me for my number so he could call me for us to discuss it further...discuss what? Eh? ...about he can be my "friend"...hahaha...friends like that I don't need in my life. When I asked what kind of friend he wanted to be thus was his response..."whatever kinda friend you want" (wink wink). Ewwwwwwwwww..... Now sure I could accept his offer of "friendship" but that is just putting myself in a situation I don't need to be in. Not that I am the least bit tempted by Mr Lover Lover but why even go there and give him access to me? I know for a fact some women in relationships keep such a guy on the side who feeds their ego and makes them feel desired, even though nothing ever materializes in the relationship. That is dangerous ground. No one feeds that for me but my man. I can't allow myself to get caught up in the oh baby baby I hear on the street because that's when you go home and start to feel you are missing something. I have all I need. And to be the crowning jewel on my man's head in which he has full confidence is worth more than a phone call and some sweet talk from Mr Lover Lover.

It just seems that people don't take relationships seriously any more, not even marriage. They way I see it, I treat anyone's relationship like a marriage, whether they have been together for two weeks or two years. You don't get married at the altar; it happens long before that. The ceremony is but a formality...a declaration and celebration of what is already established. A "husband" or "wife" does not magically become such on the wedding day, so when a brother approaches me like that from jump, how can he possible respect me down the line if all he is trying to do is get in my pants? But a lot of people don't think as far as the altar when they meet someone new (I used to be one of those people). The truth is that we all, in the end, want to connect and belong in a committed, respectful, loving and wholesome relationship. If you don't get it from the start, it's hard to develop in the long run. But if you are blessed or lucky enough (however you choose to look at it) you get someone who fits just right, and it all works out in the end.

I see how women are all about what they get from a guy, because he really has to prove himself, but at the same time I see women who dangle themselves in front of men, just out of reach, to keep him giving more...to keep him on top of his game. Like she is the prize and he must be grateful for her time and attention. And that's just it....it's all a big game. I'm so glad not to be a player.

I think the thing a lot of men don't get is that it's the man who is kind and unassuming that really charms a lady. The one that's not looking for anything from us is the one we are looking for. The one who is genuine, who will help with your boxes because he really wants to help, or talk to you and look in your eyes as you speak instead of scanning your body up and down while pretending to look interested. When did we forget how to relate to each other? When did men stop getting up to let a lady sit down on the train, or hold a door open for her? Not that we aren't strong enough to stand up on the way home or open a door ourselves, but it's the little actions that show - I treasure you as a woman, and I am treating you as such. Maybe it's because we stopped appreciating those gestures. Miss Demure has been replaced by Miss Independent...the "I don't need a man" sister who makes it hard for the genuine brothers out there who want to help a sister with her boxes, because she said she can do it her damn self.

Anyway, for the Mr Lover Lovers out there...be kind to us. A woman is a treasure to cherish and keep, not to be owned or used and discarded, and not to be toyed with. We are the vessels of love and life, and when you hold us just right, you have all the treasure of the world in your hands.

And ladies, don't be so quick to say all men are dogs, and they are all no good. There are good men out there, and when you find one, don't forget to praise him for all he is. A man's ego is as fragile as a woman's heart. He needs your praise like you need his love and care.
A lot of our brothers are misguided/hurt/flawed and a lot of us sisters are scarred/defensive/broken, but when we meet in openness and honesty, there is something that breaks the chains and true love shines through.

I hope we can break the chains, and that Mr Lover Lover and Miss Independent live happily ever after.