Friday, January 30, 2009

Stop Looking

I look around at my single sisters and I see the earnest s-e-a-r-c-h-i-n-g for that prince to come sweep them off their feet. I mean, eyes peeled and ready, scanning the perimeter for him to come riding in on his white horse. I honestly believe that Mr. Right comes when you are "right" and on the "right track". When your flow is doing just that...flowing. It's a cosmic thing that you can't force into being. I don't believe in the stars and all that but it's our energy that attracts and rejects these men. But we need to stop looking to men to complete us. We will never attract someone who is whole without first completing ourselves or at least beginning or being open to true self-love and acceptance. If we are broken, we will attract someone who is also broken or who will feed on and exploit our broken-ness, creating a needy cycle which feeds his ego and keeps you dependent on him. That's not love. First of all (and I may get some flack for this) a woman is not supposed to be "looking" for anybody. The Bible says that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. He who finds, not she. Nowhere does it say, "she set out on her journey to find a husband". It's not your job to go looking for a man. And that is because, yes, we are the weaker sex and more prone to think with our hearts and not our heads. A man on the other hand, a lot of the time, thinks with his...well. And all that attracts him is not the sprayed on skinny jeans and the sheen of your hair or the flash of your eyes. Know that a man can be just as turned on, if not more, by WHO you are on the inside, because when it all comes down to it, it's about how you make him FEEL. Now, if you have yourself about yourself and you are handling your business, when you are approached you will respond in kind...or not...and keep it moving. What I said about the woman not finding the man does not mean that you stay home and wait for him to knock on your door and rescue you from your misery. Go out and do your thing and meet people but don't be so hungry for love you take the first brother that smiles and whispers in your ear. I am so sick of hearing women woe and complain about this brother and that when they love beneath themselves. Set some standards and stick to them! AND...if you have a man, stick to him before your eyes start roving. If you're not committed don't expect him to be.

I look at these "reality" TV shows and they romanticize everything so much and these stupid people are talking about how in love they are..please! If you were not on an all expense paid months-long vacation traipsing around with Lover Boy in the Bahamas and fighting down Sally and Sue for his attention day and night would you be in love? Are you in love with the man or are you in love with being in love? Don't get me vex. And who in the "real" world lives in a house with ten other women who are all vying for the same man anyway? Have mercy...Love is just as sweet in McDonalds, and strolling down the street after to catch the matinee. Stop looking for the ride of your life and look within to see if you are the ride or die he needs you to be. Women are so busy trying to get from a brother they aren't looking at what they have to give. When the MAC and the Maybelline come off is your spirit glossing and popping? Can you have an intelligent conversation with him? Can you be his friend? Not his baby-boo, but his FRIEND? Can you call him out when he is acting the fool but say it in love so his ego isn't bruised? Can you put yourself aside long enough to cater to his needs every once in a while? Can you take a special trip out of the way to get that _____ you know he likes? Or cook a Sunday dinner on Tuesday just because. Can you be the no-matter-what kind of woman you told him you were when you were batting your eyelashes at him? Women I am so tired of you. I am so tired of your foolish games and your trifling ways. I wouldn't want to date you either. Talking about you want this and that but what are you gonna do for me, the brother asks. Huh? What do you have to offer but your teasing and your 3-month rule trying to make me feel you are oh so virtuous. Come on now. That's the oldest one in the book. Too many games - too many games.

Women need to stop looking and start being...start being ladylike and nurturing and kind and strong and good and feminine and sweet and smart and lovable...and REAL.

I want to go on but I am making myself mad LOL. I couldn't be a man. I feel bad for them.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Oh Me of Little Faith

I am a very decisive person. The problem is that it takes me aaaaaaaaaaaaages to come to a decision. I have to weigh every single option and scenario before I can come to a decision. I've had something I've needed to think about for a long time, and for a long time I have been thinking about it, but in a way I haven't. It's like I know I have to do this thing, but I procrastinate and I "hem and haw" as my grandmother would say.

But tonight I just said to myself, "this is what you have to do, so just do it". And I did. Finally. And I feel better, but still...

Part of me is sad, part of me is happy (the bigger part). Part of me wishes it could all be on my terms. But life isn't straightforward or clear all the time. And I've prayed. Sometimes you pray, and you think God isn't answering, but it's not that. Sometimes it's that He's already answered. You just need to do what He said and have a little faith. He doesn't even ask for a lot...just a little is all you need. To tell the truth a little is all I have right now, as I write this. I'm emotionally and spiritually drained. I am poured out and praised out but I am pressing on because I know this is all for something bigger than me. My little choices are a ripple in the pond of my life that touches many more than I can count. So I'm acting on faith...the little I have.

I think far too much for a single human being. Maybe that's why my head is so big LOL. All them thoughts can't fit in a small head anyway. I have to admit (thank God) that I haven't been as "worried" as I have been "concerned" and "careful" (or are those just other words for "worried" - hmmm). I do like to plan. I don't like surprises (unless they are presents) and I don't like being caught unprepared. And right now I don't really have a plan for this year. In a way, I do, but my plan lacks the certainty of execution I like to have as I walk into the first steps.

This is a test of my closeness with that often elusive friend...Faith. Faith sometimes is like the girlfriend you can call at any hour of the night and spill your heart to, and sometimes she is like the girl who has no time to listen to you sing your sad song. Sometimes she is the one who asks you to just suck it up and dry your eyes and pull it together and handle yours.

Tonight, I asked Faith to come over and, instead of offering her advice, just hold my hand until I fall asleep...

Saturday, January 10, 2009


Baby boy's body eaten by dogs (Trinidad Express - Thursday, January 8th 2009)

The partially eaten body of a newborn baby boy was found in bushes along Brazil Road in Wallerfield late Tuesday night.
The gruesome discovery was made by a couple on their way home from pan practice around 11.30 p.m.
The couple, who requested anonymity, told the Express that they saw a stray dog nibbling on something that looked unfamiliar and decided to investigate further.
When they found the body, the stomach appeared to have been eaten away, but the baby looked fully developed. Shocked by the sight of the baby, who appeared to be of African descent, the couple immediately called the police.
Officers attached to the Arima Police Station are currently investigating, and were awaiting the autopsy results last night.

I heard about this story from a friend earlier, and was HORRIFIED! As a mother who cradled the unborn child in her belly before I was even showing, it is absolutely BEYOND MY UNDERSTANDING how anyone could do this to a child. That a woman could give birth and discard her flesh and blood like a piece of garbage....I can't find the words to express how sick it makes me inside. All I could think about were the cries of this poor little baby boy as dogs...yes, dogs...ate at his little stomach. I pray to God that maybe the child was already dead and that is why the mother threw him away. That he didn't feel any pain as he left the earth.

I think of the outrage I feel at this little one being torn apart by an animal, yet women go to doctors every day to do just that and society condones it. I had a conversation with someone recently and we were talking about abortion. I am pro-life, and was explaining about the pain receptors in the fetus that are often already developed in first trimester abortions, so the child feels everything that is happening. The mother gets pain treatment but the fetus gets none. And what is this "fetus" anyway? When a woman discovers she is pregnant, does she run to her man and say, "Honey, there is a "fetus" in my belly"? No, she says something more like, "I'm going to have a "baby". Most of the time she already sees the person growing inside as a "baby". She imagines her life with said "baby". Thus is the source of her joy...or fear. This person I was speaking to - a woman at that - viewed the fetus is a "thing". A "nothing" she said. A nothing??!!! Lord have mercy! So how would you like it if your mother felt you were a "nothing"? All I could do was shake my head and end the conversation. Maybe when she becomes a mother her view will be different. I remember planning for my pregnancy, taking vitamins months in advance to get my body ready to carry the child that would come. Conception, even in a healthy, fertile woman, is a miracle in itself because a woman's body is so hostile to a man's sperm. It's Nature's way of making sure the strongest and best reach that egg. I remember reading every week about the amazing developments the little so-called "nothing" in my belly was making. Growing by leaps and bounds every day! I used to receive a weekly email that detailed all the changes my baby was making and I was amazed week to week at the little miracle of life happening inside me. I have seen pictures of aborted "nothings" and the little arms and legs, already almost perfectly formed at 8 weeks - arms that would have encircled a mother's neck and legs that would have run to meet her. Precious little lives, discarded like trash. I am in tears every time I hear stories like this.

A close friend and his girlfriend just welcomed their son this week. I saw him today and he was just beaming, sharing photos of his son. But what struck me is how he spoke about what she went through to bring him into the world and how touched he was and how he respected her strength for it. Ladies we are chosen vessels - we are the conduits by which life begins. That is an awesome blessing and an awesome responsibility not to be taken lightly. You carry life in your belly and it is so precious. Don't throw it away. Treasure and nurture what is inside you. Not just in your physical eggs, but the mental and spiritual eggs you have inside. Be careful who you choose to expose your eggs to for fertilization. Not everyone is worthy to enter those sacred places. A preacher once told me that when you invite a man inside it's as if he is entering the holy of holies - akin to the sacred place behind the altar that only those in old Hebrew times who were covanented to enter could go. That is your inner woman not to be shared for the pleasure of the moment. In that moment you are not just receiving his body, but his spirit. Sex is a taste of heaven, but through it some of the results are hell on earth. Ladies, protect your bodies and guard your hearts. But I digress...

My view is that once you are pregnant there is only one option - have the baby. I was fortunate enough to have planned the birth of my daughter with her father, and I understand that women sometimes are not "ready", but I don't believe we have the right to determine if someone - a little defenseless someone at that - lives or dies. Only God is the giver of life, and only He should take it away. Abortion is murder. Plain and simple. But that's my view. I know there are shades of gray in this discussion, but not for me. I was reading Today's Christian Woman (a magazine I subscribe to) and they interviewed Kate Gosslein of "John and Kate Plus 8" fame. When they discovered she was pregnant with sextuplets the doctor suggested selective reduction (they would basically pick which babies to keep). John and Kate decided this was not an option. People who take fertility treatments and end up with multiple pregnancies do this all the time, and it's ok. What the... What is wrong with our society? There is this whole jumpoff mentality, but when you get pregnant as a result you go for the quick fix, or if you have the baby you throw him away? I personally know women who have had abortions, and not one of them truly feels they made the right choice. It's a hard enough thing to take a life, but when it's the life of your own child you are never the same again.

Then there is the argument...what if the mother can't care for the child or what if the situation with the father is not ideal? Well, give the child to someone who can care for him/her. There are free clinics and agencies who care for babies whose mothers cannot care for them. I don't know about Trinidad...I don't know this mother's situation. But my heart cries out for this little boy who met such a tragic end so soon after he came into the world. I don't know what to say to this mother who was probably confused and afraid. But still I am outraged. Still I can't wrap my head around this.

Ladies, control yourselves. Think hard and long about who you have a child with. Maybe TMI but I've taken dual methods of birth control into play because I was by no means playing the "oops" game. Hey - I won't bury my head in the sand. No matter how many precautions you take, it happens, but I wasn't taking any chances, and I've always been vocal about my views on what I would do if I did conceive. And I was having my baby. I think a WOMAN is ultimately responsible for her reproductive capacity. Yes, it takes two to make a baby, but it only takes one to carry it, and if you are not ready but you want to reap the benefits of the baby-making process without the results, you better do everything in your power to make sure that you are protecting yourself. Unfortunately, it's the woman who bares the brunt of social ostracism should she find herself in a "situation". The man is, after all, a man. I don't know what the fix is for this. But I hope we can get to the point where life is sacred again. Where our precious little ones are protected, even before they are born.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

A response to LadyDee's "The Trifling Truffle! EVIL B**** are amongst us! "

Ahh, sweet, sweet truffles
Molten chocolate dripping from your lips
Your gilded wrappers hinting at the enjoyment to be found inside
Encircled in satiny ribbons, beckoning him for a taste
And he answers, blinded by your package's shimmer
Poor lad....

One taste, and two, and three
A few pieces won't hurt...right?
Soon he is writhing on the floor
Pain grips him as the truffle's sugar courses through his veins, releasing its poison
Poor lad...

Truffles are tiny, delicate and tempting
It's easy to eat too fast, isn't it?

You need some meat and potatoes
Meat and potatoes brought to you on a wooden platter, flanked by solid silver knife and fork
Nothing gilded; nothing disguised
This meat has been marinated in the best herbs and spices, lovingly applied and slowly cooked
Potatoes picked individually from the garden, tossed in aromatic oil, and baked to golden goodness
Eat, and be well
No more truffles
After you eat, let me be your dessert

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Live Like You Mean It

"It's 11:59." That's what my husband said as I inched toward him for a New Year's kiss. I was in Trinidad, sitting in front of the computer with a cold glass of Nuvo in hand, winding down after my daughters' birthday party. One turned 3 on 12/31 and the other would be 12 on 1/1 and as our tradition goes, we had a double party to celebrate with our girls. The little friends had all gone home and it was just us in the room. Him laying on the couch and me sitting across from him. I started the year with a kiss from my husband, and that, honestly, has already made my year. I work hard, I try to be a good mother and friend, a good person, a good Christian. But even with a family to raise and bills to pay and business to manage and all the responsibility that comes with being a wife and working mother in a blended family separated my miles of ocean, I am still sooooooooo caught up in love with this man that in those little moments everything fades to black and it's just us...........sealing the old and welcoming the new with a kiss that says, no matter what happens, this is our year.

2009 is going to be a year of BIG changes for me. But I am not the least but scared, worried, or aprehensive. I am embracing every triumph, heartache, failure and lesson this year will bring. My faith got so rooted and grounded in 2007 through 2008, because of the D-R-A-M-A I went through. And people on the outside looking in couldn't/can't understand why I was still smiling in the midst of it all. Ahhhhh but I know the Author and Finisher of my fate. Thank GOD it isn't me because I'd do a pretty good job of messing it up. I am about to bite the biggest bullet ever and take a leap of faith that all things will work together for my good.

This year I am going to be better! I'm going to deepen some relationships and sever others. I'm going to find my voice and speak at the top of my lungs. I'm going to love like there is no tomorrow. I'm going to laugh loud...not the polite "haw haw haw", daintily covering my mouth with my hand, but I am going to laugh from my belly and if I ain't feeling it I won't laugh at all. I'm going to live for me and take care of me so I can be whole for the ones I love when they need me to lean on. I'm going to faithfully get my hair and nails done so my outside matches my inside, and I'm going to stop sweating the small stuff and running around d-o-i-n-g soooo much that I forget to nurture me. I'm going to have my morning prayer time and meditation, and carry positivity and light throughout my day. I'm going to smile from a place deep inside and guard my heart from the joy-stealers that will come my way and try to take that smile off my face. I'm going to avoid the negative talkers and spirit-crushers that will poison my life. I'm going to sow seeds of love and life and light to friends, enemies and strangers alike. I'm going to love those that don't love me and care for those who want to use me. Because love is the ultimate weapon against evil. I'm going to kiss my children and tell them I love them every chance I get. And I am going to l-o-v-e that man of mine like nobody's business! This NEW year is a gift I didn't have to get...and I intend to treasure every sweet second of it!

This year is YET another chance to (you fill in the blank)...use it or lose it. Don't let 2010 find you singing your should-a could-a would-a song. Do it in 2009! Just DO more flaking and faltering and hemmin and IT. Whatever your "it" is. Take that class. Start that business. Go on that trip. Call that man/woman. Buy a house. Start a savings plan. Have a baby. Get married. Get a life! LOL! DO IT and do it good!!! No holds barred...full throttle!


This may be your last chance...

Happy New Year! Be blessed and be a blessing!